I'm not a super happy glowy person. People think that I am. I am extroverted and outgoing, can be charming and romantic if I want to be. I am those things, but I am cynical and dark too. Not all the time, obviously. And not always at the same time, that's just too emo.
Strong emotions at both ends of the scale are so close to each other it surprises me. Love and hate. Laughter and melancholy. Contentment and menace.
Like new-fangled mobile phones where two buttons are so close to each other. You go to push one, but accidentally get the other. A song that flicks a switch in the brain from one mode to the next.
I feel like I'm in limbo, in statis. I haven't felt like I used to feel. Everything is different. Has it gone away? Am I still the same person? I felt a strong affinity for that guy. He was intelligent and astute. Sure, he could be lonely and dejected, but that just allowed him to be set apart. Did something happen while I was sleeping? Is it just buried and waiting to resurface?
A sense of confusion turned to sureness by the not just yet full moon. The confusion lingers in the shadows of the buildings in a walk inspiring a sense of incomparable conviction on a subject that is nothing in particular. A solid sense of deep 'n meaningfulness that's not really there.
Perhaps that's enough insight for tonight.
7 comments:
Hmm, a personality in flux? Or a person in flux?
Nice post Dash
I thought it was about time that I actually expressed something rather than simply journalling. Cos I understand, its not always good just to read someone elses experiences when you have no context with which to understand them.
It only stands to reason that you would have changed somewhat.... it remains to be seen yet whether its for better or worse.....
ok....i'm hoping for good...was that a vote of confidence?
Yes, you have my vote of confidence, for sure.....i've always thought you were the type of person to take your experiences, good and bad, and turn them into a positive lesson.
What can I say...
Your insights are visible through the choice of your subjects: indignation with the administration, pain when others' are in difficulty, joy in trekking, humour in disaster (WCs and poor Swifty!
Keep it going
Don't foget the influence of growing older, and more settled within yourself, when your skin can encompass all the ideas of your persona, instead of the fixed immutability of youth. It aint' a bad thing!
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